A Mind of Chaos and Sex

We’ve had a few late night conversations. Late nights are for the deepest, darkest things in us. The secrets and stories we never tell. The side of us people do not know about. Inevitably, when we talk to someone at this time, we’re a different version of us. We feel some sort of force that brings us closer to them.

That night, we spoke about sex.

Sex is something that is special. It’s not just the body. It’s the resonance we can create between our mind and body. It’s the time we meet our real selves.

He’s got a very chaotic mind. So many colors and so shapes, you can’t make sense out of it. So many ambitions and so many goals, you’ll never know what he’ll be. But he does. He knows it very well.

There is nobody on his mind. Nobody makes it that far. He likes to distance himself from people. He will always be a mystery to such. And the few that come close, will fall madly in love.

Don’t mistake him for being selfish. He cares, but he leaves that to his heart. Unlike a lot of us, his mind controls his heart. Everything is well-thought, well-planned.

He’s irresistible and magnetic. You can never get enough of him. He’ll make you laugh and the next thing you know, you’ve fallen in love. That’s his victory, knowing he can control your mind. “A mental paralysis“, as he likes to call it.

He loves sex. He’s very passionate. He will slowly guide you to a place where he can control you. His power is invincible. It’s not just physical, it’s mental. Time will flow and he’ll get closer to you. All the colors and shapes in his mind will begin to liquefy and they will become crazier than ever. That’s when you feel it. You feel the rage of emotions. It’ll make you weak and him, stronger than ever! You’ll give in to him. You’re vulnerable. And that, is what he loves.

You may not have been through such a fierce adventure before, but he will make you love it. He’ll make you want it more than once, more than ever!

A Made-for-Each-Other Type.

I’m not jealous of her, though. I don’t know what this is. Usually when I have a crush, I’m literally jealous of other girls merely looking him.

But this is so beautiful. It’s different. And whatever it is, it makes me fucking happy!

I’ve never met his girlfriend. We have quite a few common friends. As far as I can imagine, from her pictures, she looks absolutely gorgeous. She’s got great eyes, beautiful hair and an attractive figure. And trust me when I say this, they make a perfect pair. Their complexions, their heights and the way look together. A made-for-each-other type.

But in my head, it’s all different. I need him. And he needs me. We need to each other to stay sane.

“Look at him. He’s an asshole!”

“Please, that’s what you love about him!”

He’s got a girlfriend.

We played Uno. It was my turn and he looked into my eyes. I was lost. His eyes were full of passion and I could have them watch me forever. His looks were so strong, they weakened me. Blood would rush to my face and I’d turn red. Awkwardly, I played my card. After a quick look at his cards, his eyes locked mine again. He played. And so did I. Except, I played mindlessly. I thought lesser of Uno, more of what it would be like to kiss him. Soon, the game was over. He had won it. Once again. Just like he’d won my heart.

“You’re a nerd.”, he said as he picked the pile of played cards.

“Why?”

“Look.” I had played yellow for green.

I was embarrassed. Not because I’d made such a stupid mistake, but because now he probably thinks I was lost and completely zoned out while he looked at me. I smiled. And he grinned at me while he bit his lip. He did this often and it was very sexy!

I could totally grab him and go in for a never-ending kiss!

I was so charmed by him. Everything about him was attractive. The way he talked, walked, flirted, smiled.

He called me a nerd. We were very different. Different hobbies, different tastes, different personalities. He was out-going, fun and loved to drink. I loved reading, eating good food and I was not a fan of alcohol.

But it’s what he does to me. We drank the other day.

“You have to drink as much as I tell you to.”

Old Monk, his favorite, mixed with Thums up. It was smelly and bitter, but I was doing it for him. We drank two glasses each and I felt tipsy. He was fine as ever. He spoke about his school, music, drugs and his friends. I couldn’t get enough of him. I just wanted to look at him while he talked.

He’s a drug. He’s addictive. He makes me happy. In his presence, I feel high and floaty. I feel lost and I’m unable to think. But, as soon as we part, something hits me hard and I realize that he’s got a goddamned girlfriend. A very lucky one!